Fulfilled

All that i am, all i can be, all that i have, all that is me.

Accept and use Lord, as you would choose Lord right now today

Take every passion, every skill, take all my dreams and bend them to your will

my all i give Lord for you i’ll live Lord come what may”

 

So as my last post said, I decided to give this writing thing a rest because i’d ran out of decent things to write, and to be honest I got a wee bit freaked out that people would judge me for what I was writing so I thought i’d pack it in. However, i’ve kind of missed it. And i’ve been inspired several times in the past week or so to write, but in particular tonight. (and tbh, who cares what other people think? [well, me… but I like to convince myself that I don’t!!]) Also, this post is going to be a Holy one, so if you’re not into all that, feel free to tune out now 🙂

So the theme of today seems to have been all about the plan for my life, or at least the next chapter in it. Starting with church this morning, where the thing that stuck out for me was a line from a song the songsters (choir) sang, which was something along the lines of

“I surrender my dreams to the plans you have made”

I then came home and spent part of my afternoon staring at my UCAS application. Staring, because i couldn’t bring myself to select the Uni offer i’m going to go for. (I don’t know why…I’ve been decided for weeks which one i’m going for, but officially accepting it makes the whole thing a lot more real! Stay tuned and there may be a follow up post about this later in the week haha!)

Following that, I went to another church service, which was all about whether or not you are ‘fulfilled’, and whether you’re fulfilling God’s plans for your life. It was certainly one of those meetings where you feel like they’re talking directly to you (I both love and hate occasions like that…).

Now these three situations got me thinking a bit, particularly the third one, as one point that was made several times was about opening yourself up to God and his plans, and wholly giving your life to his calling for you. Now, we were encouraged to do this there and then, and to be brutally honest, I really wanted to. I just didn’t know how. I wanted to, because regardless of how confident I am in my faith or not or whether i wanted to open myself to his plans, It seems obvious to me that decisions such as what to do with my life are far too big for me to make on my own. But like I said, i don’t really know how!

People always say you need to ‘listen‘ to what God’s saying to you. Now, i’d like to think listening is one of my stronger personality traits, but listening to God isn’t something i find easy, or particularly know how to do. As i may have mentioned before, I really struggle to believe that it’s ‘God’ talking to me, rather than just me talking to myself in my head. Crazy as that may sound, I struggle with the idea of differentiating between the two. However Jeremiah 29:11 always pops into my head when i’m thinking about stuff like this, and I like the way the Message translation puts it:

 

” I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

This post was pretty open and honest, and I toyed with the idea of keeping it as a draft or just deleting it altogether. But for some reason it was something i wanted to write. Not because I wanted people to read about the weird confusion going on inside my head when it comes to God, but because writing it down helps me straighten it all out a bit. So really it was for my own benefit, no one else’s. Although if anyone does read it, i’d be interested to hear your thoughts on what i’ve said and what i wrote about, and to hear your take on the subject. 

 

“Faith is the assurance of things you have hoped for, the absolute conviction that there are realities you’ve never seen”

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the reason

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It does. It must. Don’t you just wish sometimes that you could know what that reason is though? Or what part of God’s massive plan one simple little event is? I certainly do. It’s easy enough to say everything happens for a reason, but I seriously struggle sometimes with not knowing what that reason is. It’s all about faith. Faith and trust I guess. Two things that aren’t always easy to have.

“faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”

I won’t give up

“It’s a reminder that even on the worst days there’s a possibility for joy.” Kate Beckett, Castle.

That quote is from my current favourite tv show, Castle. (which, by the way, if you haven’t seen it before, you should totally watch it. It’s like CSI but with humour, a ‘ruggedly handsome’ man, and a will-they-won’t-they love story..it’s awesome!) And I fell in love with it after hearing it the other day. In the show, the quote is spoken by the lead female to describe a toy kept from a special, fun afternoon out with her father following her mother’s funeral. And though the quote goes with that situation, it’s very easy to apply it to your own life. I love the positivity and possibility that comes from that one little sentence, bringing with it hope for days when you really, really need it.

I won’t give up…