So on the back of my last post, I’ve had a few responses about how I am in fact an influence on others, even if I do think I’m quiet or lacking in confidence. Which got me thinking about something a friend said to me last week.
We were talking about how In girls chorus I had actually participated (relatively enthusiastically, by my standards at least) in the dancing and movement we had to do along with our songs. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I generally hate this kind of thing – both cos I’m very uncoordinated and just generally awkward, and because I’m too shy and get so embarrassed!
So I was talking about how I felt that girls chorus, and summer school in general, had somehow boosted my confidence a bit, and her next response surprised me. She said:
“Have I ever told you that the Emeli Sandi song ‘Read all about it’ makes me think of you for that reason? You’ve got so much good to say, but you don’t always say it! I’m excited to see you getting more confident – everyone deserves to see what I’ve been privileged to see now I’ve got to know you a bit better!”
This seriously took me by surprise, partly because it was so unexpected – to be perfectly honest, I’d always felt (and still sometimes do feel!!) like I’m just a bit of an irritation to her! She’s always there for me and listens to all my little dramas and the crazy goings on in my head, and I appreciate that SO much, but I always felt self conscious that maybe to her, I was just an annoying wee girl who always needed advice!! So it was very nice to realise that actually, it was a stronger friendship that I had given it credit to be!
And secondly, to hear that someone thought that what I had to say was worthwhile hearing – I don’t take compliments well (again with the lack of self confidence thing!!) so it was quite humbling to hear!
I’d heard the song loads of times, but straight away put it on and properly listened to the words.
“You’ve got the words to change a nation
But you’re biting your tongue
You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you’ll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come on, come on
Come on, come on
You’ve got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Maybe we’re a little different
There’s no need to be ashamed
You’ve got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away”
And it just clicked. The bits I’ve highlighted are extremely accurate, but on the whole, it described me!
The title of the song is also pretty accurate – Read all about it! I’m not great at talking or articulating myself in person, but I can write things down a lot easier! This blog being the prime example of what I mean!
So to sum up – I’m trying to be more confident. And I am getting there! Myself and the same friend mentioned above have spoken to each other via Facebook or text for a few years, but until maybe a year ago or so, we struggled to have a conversation in person for more than about a minute! Last week however, we sat for nearly four hours chatting (in person!!) about pretty much anything.
I’m getting to that stage (albeit slowly) where I don’t care as much what people think – I’m fed up of trying to be who I think they want me to be, and am (almost) content with just being me!!
“confidence is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are”