So this post is going to be about where my life’s at just now – my last post like this was in February, and a fair bit has changed since then. And i warn now – this will be a long post!!!
I may as well just go with the same wee headings as i did in that one, so first of all – work.
I’m still working in Tesco, and i actually really enjoy it. Yeah, working at a checkout 25 or so hours a week might not sound very exciting, and the job itself can be quite mundane, but there’s rarely ever a dull moment. Coming from someone as shy as me this may sound surprising, but i actually love chatting to customers. I get to meet and interact with so many different people from different backgrounds, cultures, countries and faiths, and it can be quite entertaining, if not interesting. I especially love chatting to elderly customers, and I try even harder to smile and be friendly. In a lot of their cases, it’s the only interaction they get all day – And i’d certainly like to think that the interaction they have with me, even if brief, is a positive part of their day. Service with a smile, right? You never know, i could be brightening someone’s day without even realising it! And that’s a pretty nice thought!
So, in my last post, i’d just got my unconditionals for Glasgow uni. Since then, i have accepted the offer to study an MA Hons (Social Science) in Psychology and Sociology. And i start this very exciting new part of my journey in about 2 weeks time! I’m actually incredibly excited to start the course. There’s no denying it – i’m a geek. And since i left uni the last time, i’ve really missed learning new things, so i’m excited to get back into it. I’ve even missed writing essays – how sad is that?! (i feel that may quickly change once i’ve started the course!!!) I am however still pretty apprehensive about it all. Mainly because i don’t want what happened the last time to happen again. I don’t want to be a failure again! (i know i didn’t technically fail anything the last time, but dropping out still made me feel like i was a bit of a let down!) I’m not a big fan of that initial meeting of new people, but i’m hoping that once i’m there i’ll be fine.
Another thing that should help me with the whole self confidence is moving out! I’ve officially got a room in private student accommodation near the uni for the next year, and i get the keys at the weekend! I’m beyond excited for this!!! I’m sure it’ll be a bit of a reality shock once i’m in and i need to clean up after myself and whatever, but i’m really looking forward to the independence it’ll give me, and the new experience! I actually think it could be a really positive thing for me, and could help me build confidence too. (as well as giving me some much needed life skills!!!)
The third thing i talked about in my last update was God. My relationship with God is an interesting one at the minute. It’s growing, there’s no doubt about that. But it goes from being amazing to almost non existent very easily. But i suppose (or i hope!!) that’s relatively normal. I think that doubting or questioning God can actually be healthy, and can end up bringing us closer to him in the long run. I’ve written a lot of posts about God lately, and there’s been a lot of focus of living my whole life for him, not just bits of it. and that is something i’m really trying to do.
“I want to live like that and give it all i have so that everything i say and do points to You. If love is who I am then this is where i stand – recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I want to live like that!”
That’s been stuck in my head since music school and i really do mean those lyrics say. I want God’s love to be evident in me through they way i act, speak, and treat others. Through everything about me in fact. I’m not always sure how to do that though. In fact, i’m not sure how to do most things. Or what to do about most things. But the other line that’s stuck with me over the past few weeks is this –
“Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see”
Because really, that’s the best advice you can get, in my opinion anyway. Trust God, and pray. God doesn’t give us more than we can’t handle, but life isn’t easy. God never promised us an easy ride, but he did promise that he would be right with us every step of the way. And that’s more than enough for me.
The next thing i wrote about was friendships. I wrote about how grateful i was for the people i had in my life, and this is still very true. It surprises me sometimes when i look at who my really great friends are – It amazes me that the people that mean most to me and that care about me the most are people i’d never have expected to have in my life at all, never mind be so important to me. At music school this year i both developed new friendships and strengthened ones that were already there, and i’m very blessed by the friendships I have with all of them.
It amazes me how much impact someone can have on your life. There are a few people in my life right now who influence me so much and i really look up to them and am more than grateful for their guidance and friendship, and i really hope they know that. And actually, i’d like to think i could be as good an influence on someone else as they are on me!
“True friends are the ones you can count on for anything. The ones you feel comfortable asking for help from. The ones who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else. They give you the courage to open up and show what you generally keep hidden from the rest of the world, and they listen to you when you need it most – not just when it suits them. They have your best interests at heart and truly care about you. They know all about about, and yet still love you.”
That quote describes perfectly my friendship with a few people – and if those people are reading this – i hope you know it’s about you!!!
And lastly, i wrote about love. And i’m glad to say that Matthew and I have now been together for over 5 years. 5 years?!!! Which is more than a quarter of my lifespan. How crazy is that?!! We’ve made it through thick and thin, and made some amazing memories so far. Long may it continue!!! “love never fails” !!!
I’ve been struggling lately with the concept of being ME. All too often, it just doesn’t feel good enough. I don’t feel good enough. But if i just do my best to be exactly what God made me to be, then i am.
“I am just striving to be more me than i have ever been.”
“you alone are enough. you have nothing to prove to anybody”
So yeah, life’s pretty exciting right now! I still love quotes, and these ones sum it up just now –
Let your faith be bigger than your fear!
There is always, always something to be thankful for.
And of course my old favourite – Everything happens for a reason!!!