I’ll not turn back

I went to two army meetings at the weekend, and both really spoke to me. And both of them were pretty much based around the same theme I wrote about last week – about giving your whole life to God..not just the bits of it that suit you – which is something that clearly God is trying to reiterate to me over and over at the minute!!
The meetings I went to were at a different corps than I usually go to, and I enjoyed just being able to sit and properly read the lyrics to songs, and really take them in. Which actually resulted in me really struggling to sing some of them.
These few lines from one of them in particular caused me serious pause for thought:

“I’ll not deny the one that I have followed, nor be ashamed to bear my Master’s name.
I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost.
I’m called to live, to love, and save the lost”

I struggled to sing this because to be honest, I wasn’t sure I could sing it and truly mean it. Cos frankly? I do ‘deny the one that I have followed’, and sometimes I do appear to be ‘ashamed to bear my master’s name’. Well, not ashamed, but going to church and having a faith and trying to be Christlike and all that isn’t exactly the done thing for most people is it? And if people in work or wherever ask what I’ve been up to and the truthful answer is something to do with church and God, I far too often make something else up instead, for fear of embarrassment or ridicule.
So it probably does look like I’m ashamed, but I’m not. I’m really, really not. And that’s why i struggled with those lines so much this morning. Because I want to be able to confidently say, and believe in myself when I say “I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost”. I’m not totally convinced I’m brave enough or strong enough to do just that quite yet, but I know (or at least I feel I should know) that if I truly give my whole life to God, then he’ll give me that strength..
And the last line, about being called to live, to love, and to save the lost, might just have been God confirming to me that actually, I’m on roughly the right path at the minute. Because I’m about to start my psychology degree (saving the lost?), I’m trying so hard to pray more, to live the way God wants me to and to follow his path for my life (live?) and I’m doing my best to love, and remind and encourage friends and people in general that God does indeed love them and is supporting them all the time. (love, and saving the lost?). So hopefully I’m headed down the right track this time…..

That song was followed by another one with very poignant words, which have also stuck with me all day, so I’ll end the post with them.

“Lord renew my mind, as your will unfolds in my life. In living every day in the power of Your love.
Hold me close, let Your love surround me. Bring me near, draw me to Your side.”


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