Easier said than done

“Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are” one tree hill

“And all I ever have to be
Is what you’ve made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.

As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.

And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you’ve made me.”
Amy Grant

Just being yourself. It’s so much easier said than done….

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Dreams

We all have dreams of how our lives will turn out. What job we’ll end up doing, where we’ll live, who we’ll be with. Plans of how things will end up. These dreams change throughout the years, even from day to day, both through choice and through uncontrollable changes.

“But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realise that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after — just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away.” Grey’s Anatomy

I like this. Because the fairy tale is so often different to our dream. But it’s God’s dream, and God’s plan. I struggle with the concept of God having a plan for our lives, and that everything could be predestined. But i’ve sort of conditioned my self to think, whether rightly or wrongly, that he’s got a few options for how we’ll get there, depending on which way we go when we get to the crossroads – but we’ll still get to the same place.
There are a couple of situations in my life right now that to be honest, I have no idea what to do about. I don’t know what the right thing to do is, either for me or others involved. And this cute wee quote has reminded me that actually, regardless of what happens, it’s okay if things don’t turn out quite the way you had expected. And frankly, God’s still got your back.

trust the heart of your father when the answer goes beyond what you can see

I’ll not turn back

I went to two army meetings at the weekend, and both really spoke to me. And both of them were pretty much based around the same theme I wrote about last week – about giving your whole life to God..not just the bits of it that suit you – which is something that clearly God is trying to reiterate to me over and over at the minute!!
The meetings I went to were at a different corps than I usually go to, and I enjoyed just being able to sit and properly read the lyrics to songs, and really take them in. Which actually resulted in me really struggling to sing some of them.
These few lines from one of them in particular caused me serious pause for thought:

“I’ll not deny the one that I have followed, nor be ashamed to bear my Master’s name.
I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost.
I’m called to live, to love, and save the lost”

I struggled to sing this because to be honest, I wasn’t sure I could sing it and truly mean it. Cos frankly? I do ‘deny the one that I have followed’, and sometimes I do appear to be ‘ashamed to bear my master’s name’. Well, not ashamed, but going to church and having a faith and trying to be Christlike and all that isn’t exactly the done thing for most people is it? And if people in work or wherever ask what I’ve been up to and the truthful answer is something to do with church and God, I far too often make something else up instead, for fear of embarrassment or ridicule.
So it probably does look like I’m ashamed, but I’m not. I’m really, really not. And that’s why i struggled with those lines so much this morning. Because I want to be able to confidently say, and believe in myself when I say “I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost”. I’m not totally convinced I’m brave enough or strong enough to do just that quite yet, but I know (or at least I feel I should know) that if I truly give my whole life to God, then he’ll give me that strength..
And the last line, about being called to live, to love, and to save the lost, might just have been God confirming to me that actually, I’m on roughly the right path at the minute. Because I’m about to start my psychology degree (saving the lost?), I’m trying so hard to pray more, to live the way God wants me to and to follow his path for my life (live?) and I’m doing my best to love, and remind and encourage friends and people in general that God does indeed love them and is supporting them all the time. (love, and saving the lost?). So hopefully I’m headed down the right track this time…..

That song was followed by another one with very poignant words, which have also stuck with me all day, so I’ll end the post with them.

“Lord renew my mind, as your will unfolds in my life. In living every day in the power of Your love.
Hold me close, let Your love surround me. Bring me near, draw me to Your side.”

Faith and Fears

Let your faith be bigger than your fears

So, I’ve had a decision to make for the past few weeks now, and I’ve changed my mind a good dozen or so times. I was scared that if I went for it, it wouldn’t work out. That I’d be unhappy, lonely, and that I’d regret it. But at the same time, I knew it was a great opportunity, and I’d probably regret it if I didn’t take it. So I’ve gone round in circles so many times I was pretty dizzy, but I decided today for certain that I’m going to go for it!!

I’m pretty excited for this step and this next stage of my life, but I’m not going to lie..I’m still scared. But like the quote at the top says, I need my faith to be bigger than my fears. I need to take this chance. To take this risk, and hope that it pays off. And if it doesn’t? well it’s not the end of the world either.

“So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you could have ever imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.” One Tree Hill

I think that quote says it all to be honest. So with that in mind, and praying like mad and trusting in God that this is the right step, I’m going to be brave and go for it.
I’m excited for where he’s taking me 🙂

p.s…stay tuned to find out more 😉 x

forever friends

Soppy and cheesy post alert……

“Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you’re down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.”

I think this is beautiful. A little cheesy, but beautiful none the less. Made more beautiful by the fact that right now, i have two or three of those “forever friends”. And i’m not going to lie, it does make me feel pretty good! Another few quotes I came across earlier also confirmed just how special some people in my life are to me!

“A true friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you, even when you are fooling everyone else.”

I’ve been struggling quite a bit this past week or so, and there are 3 or 4 people who no matter how many times I say “i’m fine”, just haven’t believed me. And I am very very grateful for their love and support. It would be so easy for them to just believe me when I say I’m okay, but they know me so well and care about me so much that they dig a bit deeper and truly support me. I’d say that’s real friendship.

“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable”

I also love this, given that often i’m not quite sure what the right words to say are. I’ve realised lately, and been reminded by this quote, that often, all you need to do is be there. Even through the silence (as long as it’s not an awkward silence…that’s where the difference lies between real friends or not i guess…) you can say everything you need to.

And i’m going to end it with this one:

“Understanding is deeper in knowledge. There are many people that know you, but there are very few who understand you.”

I love this. These same few people i keep mentioning (and i really hope that if they are reading this, they realise i’m talking about them!!!) do properly understand me and understand the weird goings on of inside my head! Scarily so in some cases. And I am so thankful to have them in my life! (today’s church sermon was about thankfulness..can you tell?!) Because frankly, life would be pretty lonely without friends. And tbh, right through school i always longed to have some proper best friends, and I am more than delighted with the ones I am privileged to call my closest friends just now. Life would be a lot harder without them, and I truly hope they are aware of just how much they mean to me!!!!!

Live like that

“Sometimes I think
what will people say of me?
when I’m only just a memory,
when I’m home where my soul belongs.
Was I love when no one else would show up?
Was I Jesus to the least of us?
Was my worship more than just a song?

I want to live like that
and give it all I have.
So that everything I say and do points to you.
If love is who I am then this is where I stand.
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back..
I want to live like that!

Am I proof that you are who you say you are?
That grace can really change your heart,
Do I live like your love is true?
People pass, and even if they don’t know my name,
is there evidence that I’ve been changed?
When they see me, do they see you?!

I want to live like that
and give it all I have.
So that everything I say and do points to you.
If love is who I am then this is where I stand.
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back..
I want to live like that!

Is it just me, or is that a pretty powerful message? If you really think about those words and what they’re saying, and sing them like you truly mean them, then I certainly think they are.
I’ve had this song stuck in my head on repeat pretty much since I heard the Girls Chorus sing it last Friday morning. And now, nearly a week later, I love it even more. Because they carry a message that is indeed what I want to live like.

One thing that came up a few times at music school this year was about not just being a “1 day a week Christian”. It’s all too easy to acknowledge and worship God in church on a Sunday and to be the perfect Christian within those walls or at other church events. But in reality, it’s so much harder to keep that going in our day to day lives. It’s something that keeps going round in my head and I’ve been very conscious of it since I got home from camp. Someone made the comment in our cell group of, if you were to ask people in your work/college/uni/street/gym etc, would they be able to tell you we’re a Christian? And I have to say in my case, the answer would most probably be no!
I’m not saying I’m a horrible person the rest of the week, or even that I need to start giving Jesus-lectures to people in work or from the treadmill next to them at the gym (let’s face it, that’d be weird!!), but the way I act and treat people should reflect my Christian faith and my relationship with God. Shouldn’t it?
So I have to admit that in work for the past few days, I’ve been trying my best to show this through my actions and what I say to people. Whether that be through being extra kind and more helpful to customers, or not losing patience with them, to being more positive and appreciative of what I’ve got, rather than moaning about what we don’t have.
I’m starting to see that there’s not much point in hiding our faith and that side of us (although in theory it shouldn’t be a ‘side’..it should be our whole being?!), because otherwise, how are we going to witness and share God’s love with people that don’t quite know it’s there? And who actually, might really need to feel it in their lives. We can be the people to help them find it, and i think that’s pretty cool. Even if it’s simply through basic acts, like kindness.

There’s every chance that not much of that made sense, and there’s so much going on in my head right now that my thoughts are all a bit jumbled. But basically,

I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT!!!!

Sing to The Lord

So I wrote in my last post that there would probably be lots of post-music school posts….and there will be. My head has been spinning for days and I will definitely be writing quite a bit over the next wee while I think!
This one is just going to be a wee summary of lyrics from throughout the week – because I can’t get most of them out of my head!!!

“So take me as you find me: all my fears and failures. Fill my life again.”

“There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines ev’ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.”

“Holy spirit rain down, rain down. Oh comforter and friend, how we need your touch again!”

“No eye can see, no ear has heard, no mind can know what God has in store. So open up heaven, open it wide. over our church, and over our lives!”

“My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be Your name”

“I want to live like that and give it all I have, so that everything I say and do points to You. If love is who I am then this is where I stand. Recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I want to live like that!”