strength

“those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind!”

It’a weird how one tiny thing could mean so much to one person, and barely anything to another….

I always find it really awkward when someone gets upset, generally because I never know what to do, and I’ve always thought myself to be somewhat lacking in the social skills needed to deal with that kind of situation. But actually, I proved otherwise to myself a few days ago…

A friend was upset… I’d seen them leave the room and I could quite easily have left them to go sort themselves out, but for some reason I knew I needed to go after them. All I had to do was give them a hug (and for the record, I’ve been told my hugs are pretty decent, lol!) and some quick reassurance, but even that’s never easy for me. (I’m always scared I’ll do or say something to embarrass myself or that they’ll judge me…silly I know!!)
But, lo and behold, I managed it. Now, anyone who’s actually bothered to read this will most probably be thinking right about now that I’m pretty pathetic, and maybe they’re right. Thing is, I was actually a little bit proud of myself. It quite possibly didn’t mean all that much to the friend in question, but it actually made my day…and I’ve been silently smiling all week because of it!

I don’t even know if anything I wrote there makes any sense, and I know it is probably of no interest to anyone at all, but I just felt like writing it down. Mainly because it reminded me that I am more than capable of being the person I want to be. It’s all too easy to let other people’s and your own views of who and what you are get in the way of who you truly are and can be.

And sometimes in life, no matter how big or small, important or menial the situation/decision/choice may be, you just need to go for it… it can pay off!!!

“be yourself – not your idea of what you think someone else’s idea of yourself should be.” Thoreau

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i’ll be there for you

you’ve got a friend in me

Does it ever just randomly hit you how lucky you are? I was scrolling through Facebook photos of myself and friends from over the past few years, and I realised just that. Just looking at all the amazing memories with the friends i’ve made over the past what, 5 year? makes me seriously happy. We’ve all been through a heap of different stuff, good and bad, but that’s one of the best parts… they’re all amazing in one way or another, and their strengths suit different situations. Which means whether you’re deliriously happy and looking for a laugh and some good fun, or if you’re upset and need a good hug and some advice or cheering up, then there’s always someone there. What i’m about to say could possibly be the cheesiest comment to have been written in my blog to date, but it seriously is like one big family.
It makes me seriously happy, and very proud to call them my best friends.

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sunday

Now, i’ve had a pretty good Sunday, but can’t seem to get my thoughts into order. So I will just leave a nice wee summary of my day in key words and phrases that stuck out to me.

i’ll be there for you – god will take care of us, he will always be there for us – listening, not just hearing – hasn’t he brought you this far – friends – when I work on rough ground, you will guide me through – rejoice – you are not alone – strength – support – keep me close to you –

love

“teach me how to love you, better every day”

For Good

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.. And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you”

……

It well may be that we may never meet again in this life time so let me say before we part; so much of me is made from what I learned from you, you’ll be with me like a hand print on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

……

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

Written above are various parts of my favourite song from my (joint) favourite musical, Wicked. The song is called For Good, in which the soon to be wicked witch says goodbye to her best friend, and they thank each other for the impacts they’ve had on their lives.

I love the image the song paints of people in your life changing you for the (hopefully) better, and I also love the fact that they’re not scared to say how they actually feel. All too often we don’t tell the people we love just how much they mean to us, either because it’s just not what you do, or for fear of being judged, and to be honest I hate that! I think it’s a shame that we don’t do it more, and sometimes it can be exactly what someone needs to hear! I actually love telling someone how awesome I think they are and how much of an impact they have on my life, and as vain as it sounds, it’s quite a nice feeling to have someone tell you that you actually matter to them! But like I said, all too often I don’t say a word incase they think I’m weird or whatever, or if I do, it’s usually preceded or followed by something along the lines of “this might sound weird” or “sorry for being cheesy”.

But you know something? What’s the point of being scared of what people will think of you all the time? It’s so much easier said than done not to fear being judged, I know that all too well, but sometimes you’ve just got to man up and go for it!
And who knows, you might even wake up to a message from me, telling you how awesome you are!!!

love changes everything.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the biggest accomplishment.” Ralph Emerson

“But every time it matters all my words desert me”

This sums me up perfectly, and it frustrates me so much!!!!! Ever since I was little I’ve done this thing at night where I imagine situations in my head to help me get to sleep. That probably sounds weird, but it always works. Usually situations involving me helping/comforting/reassuring friends. (weird i know, but i’ve always been a bit soppy like that). I can plan out exactly what I’d say and do, even though chances are the situations would never ever arise. However occasionally something similar will happen, like a friend being upset or just needing a chat. Now in my head, I know what to do and say, but when it actually happens I’m just utterly useless. I hate being shy and never knowing what to say..it drives me insane. Give me a bit of paper or a phone and I can write or text exactly what I want to say, but I’m useless at saying things out loud. I’m fed up of not being able to verbalise things. Even in normal, insignificant life situations, i always think of the right thing i could have or should have said, 5 minutes after it happens. Which is no help at all!!!!!
Don’t you ever just wish you had somebody else’s skill set?!! Anyway, rant about how useless I am is over…. for now!!

Where are you now?

“To the ones I loved
But didn’t show it enough
Where are you now?

Where are you now?
Cause I’m thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn’t for you
I would never be who I am

I know we’ll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that’s just how it goes
People change but I know I won’t forget you

To the ones who cared
And who were there from the start
To the love that left
And took a piece of my heart
To the few who’d swear
I’d never go anywhere
Where are you now?

Where are you now?
Cause I’m thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn’t for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn’t for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn’t for you I’d be nothing
Where are you now?”

Where are you now? – Honor Society

The lyrics above are part of a song i bought on itunes a few years ago after hearing it in a film, and it popped up on shuffle on my iPod this morning. It got me thinking, or rather reminiscing, about school, old friends… the sort of stuff the song mentions, and made me wonder, where are they now? I kept in touch with very few people from school (accidentally, on purpose?) however there are a few people who meant a lot to me and i miss them, and would love to still have them in my life. And as the song says “If it wasn’t for you I would never be who I am”

BUT everything happens for a reason, right? Or so i’d like to believe. And thinking of old friends got me to thinking of current friendships, and how there are several i would never have imagined developing. Back when you were in school, or in my case anyway, I was friends with people my own age, and maybe a year either side. But now, some of (and in fact the majority of) my best friends are nowhere near my own age. I would never have imagined that some of my best and closest friends would be up to 7, or even 10 years older than me, and the same in the other direction, with some being up to 6 years younger. In school this would have seemed strange, but now it’s not even an object of concern. Take me back 6 years or so and i would have laughed in your face if you told me i’d be friends at all with the people I am now, never mind best/close friends. 

I’d like to think i’ve grown up since then, and have grown into myself a bit more. I’m more confident than i was..okay so i’m still pretty shy, but i’m waaay better than i was!!! I always remember someone saying to me when i turned up at my first sally army music school that i looked terrified (which i was!), and I was so quiet that this same person had pretty much never heard me speak until about a year ago – and now she’s a really good friend!!. It’s strange how things happen in ways you don’t expect them to, but it’s completely true that the people in my life have shaped me into who I am today, and i’m more than grateful for that.

“You showed me how
 How to live like I do
 If it wasn’t for you
 I would never be who I am”

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason (relating to yesterday’s post, is this because God makes it this way?), but i seriously wish I knew what those reasons were a lot of the time!!!!

everything happens for a reason

missing post!

Ahhhh! The post I published last night has vanished!! not amused!!! 😦 It took me a while to write too, and now it’s disappeared! (I don’t even know how that’s possible?!!!!) So until I can remember what I wrote and re-write it, there’ll be a nice blank gap here…

over and out!